Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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