There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
