If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
