I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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