Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
