I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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