oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
