Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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