i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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