Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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