Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
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I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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