fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
two words...techno handjob
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
