the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
