I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
