we have officially lost it.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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