And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
