The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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