dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
