i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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