i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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