Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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