when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize