so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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