i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
