Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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