Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
