I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Randomize
