you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
