its not stalking. its research.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
