I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
