I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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