Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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