420 ftw
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
