My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
