yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
