shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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