OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
