Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
