arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
