I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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