Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
