he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
