I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
