I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
