So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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