I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
