dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
