im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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