It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
