Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize