you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize