with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize