And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
