Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
