I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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