i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
