i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
