New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
