Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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