It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
