K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
