Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
