I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize