you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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