Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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