dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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