my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This baby is an asshole
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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