Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
