That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
