I hate your face
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
