I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
