elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
