Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
