We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
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i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
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Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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