I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
is wine microwaveable?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
