She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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