A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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