dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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