Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
oh god the rape fog is back!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
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how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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